So it is almost wedding week for this daughter of mine. A much anticipated week for sure. The day is coming and I have a flood of feelings bottled up inside of me. I have yet to articulate them, as they seems to be a jumble of chaos. All kinds of emotions and the variance is wide, however I seem to be worried about how many napkins I ordered and the drape of the overlay on the tables as of late. Maybe I should be focusing on the real stuff, and realize whats really happening here. All I can think of is the little blonde girl I dreamt about when I was pregnant with her. A little girl in the corner not saying a word, while everyone fussed about a newborn baby brother. I saw her in my dream as about a 3 year old. And that vision was real. I remember her as the sweet, quiet cherub with the legs of the Pillsbury doughboy. Her thoughtful and intelligent demeanor carried through her youth. She was the one in the middle and quietly did her own thing. Two sisters flanking her who were bright stars...brilliant stars on the outside, while this one shone vibrantly internally. One might have to look deep to see her glitter. Her light was hidden almost but once found it was perfection. I always said she would be the one who might have a sure place in heaven as her heart is as good as gold. I remember sleeping in the bottom bunk with her when it was bedtime and I would rest my tired body beside her when a father's work habits kept him very late. Her brother of 5 or 6 above us in the squeaky bunk with the three windows. Private little windows to look out to the street below. I remember the quiet of their breathing, and the smoothness of her beautiful angelic face which slipped into sleep as I watched. This was yesterday. The life I lived way back when with a gaggle of stair step children in tow is long gone. The constant movement and chatter I miss. The life in the house was electric, busy and rarely quiet. I would embrace my children and literally want to drink them in. A love so profound and deep words could not explain. Still cant explain. Now this middle child embarking on a journey of her own, to start that same profound love to repeat itself. This jumble of chaos in my head just a universe of beautiful memories and a very full heart. And life might just be a rollercoaster, or a book with many chapters, but this girl about to write her own with the guy she loves.